replacethexanax - A Delicate Grasp, if you will

New Philosophy - F%ck it!  What even really matters anyway?  This is not just another "whoa is me" rant, it's rather interesting.  At the end of the day...seriously, what it is that truly matters?  What are the things that are going to bring you joy, peace, laughter?  The things that may only be embraced but for a split second, but in deed define the absolute being that you are.  The traces of energy throughout your day, that come and go.  The most random things that keep a smile on your face pretty much for the entire day and you don't even know why.  The burst of adrenaline experienced by actually feeling what it is to have an actual thought of something of pure importance.  Not sweating the irrelevent little things, just saying 'meh' ...That odd but good feeling that comes with genuine and complete kindness, that you have no idea where it came from; certainly not within the depths of your soul, how could it?  It was there alright though, you have no idea why it has made you so happy to smile and be nice to the old man walking down the street.  Being just about breathless realizing that you have it so good, in spite of all your anxieties.  Whatever shit goes on, and however one choses to look at and recover from, is really all that matters anyway right?  You just can't describe it.  There are no words.  I compare it to a dream that you have.  You see glimpses of that dream, and it is right there on the tip of your conscious mind - but even if for just one brief second you try to focus on it - it is gone, never to be revealed again.  It can be there one second, and then gone in the next, and you never really know what it was, just have mere glimpses.  How strange for it to be there and then gone again so quickly.  That is how I can describe the feeling I get when faced with the sweetness of moods like this.  Although mostly fleeting, worth every damn minute of it.  Being able to determine the exact moments and events surrounding to bring me to this place would be to me, the answer to the meaning of life.  When feeling like this, there really is no way to be brought down or up for that matter.  It is just simple existence.  Harmony if you will.  A place in this giant thing we call the world.  And not even self-induced.  There is not enough weed in the free world to bring you to this state, consistently anyway.  But it is like that dream thing.  You don't want to sneak up on it, or scare it, or embrace it too hard or long, or else it may go away just as quick as it came. 

Bottom line:  It is not known to me how or why these moods come on; at this point I am not one to even care.  I just know that although fleeting, and unusual - I fucking love it man!!!!