replacethexanax - True Colors

So, today I went to my sister's Myspace page.  Something that I haven't done in about a month or more.  I don't know why I do it to myself, I really don't.  What am I thinking I will find there?  What do I think I will gain from going?  I can't tell you how many times I've tried to log on as her to delete the damn thing - but it is still there.  Do I think I will find answers there?  Does it make me feel like she is still here, just away somewhere?  I don't know.

As I sat there today and watched her pictures flash by me, "True Colors" blaring in my ears, I couldn't even look at her.  I mean, of course I looked at her, but I was almost making myself NOT focus on her - almost like I was looking 'through' her. 

I think I know my sister's 'true colors' now.  Maybe she never was really cut out for this world.  Maybe the world as we know it, just wasn't a good enough place for her to exist.  I've spend a lot of my time being angry and frustrated with her over the last year - I will not deny the fact that I don't think anyone could annoy me the way that she could.  But lovely - she was so damn lovely!  Even though she was being swallowed alive, by a world of uncertainties and depression - she was always so lovely.  So.Real.

She was real.  Even in all of her 'over-the-topness' she was so the real deal.  Maybe even more so than me! 

I love her so much, and she is an inspiration to me - to be more real. 

Damnit - I miss her so much and damnit - I am going to start letting MY true colors shine through - for her!

...as soon as I figure out what they are