replacethexanax - That It Would Be Me

 When you sit back and think about having a broken heart. . .one automatically thinks about broken relationships, lost lovers, and the people you love most letting you down.  Never do you enter into the rhelm of broken heartedness with thoughts of anything but these things.

I've come to realize that in an instant, even if everything else in your life is going according to plan; it is very possible to experience the worst form of a broken heart that has nothing to do with a significant other. 

The fear and anxiety that go along with this form of broken heart are almost too much to bare.  It takes the breath right out of your perfectly functioning lungs.  Your lungs - that are breathing for you, and working with your body as your life support.  Your lungs - that need not a machine of any kind to ensure your exsistance within this world.  Your fully functioning, non-machine lungs - feel like they are being squeezed and twisted and mashed up right in your chest.  With this form of heart break.  The anxiety doesn't help this, of course.  It is all you can do to control yourself and not tailspin into a world of panic attacks.  The air that is coming up through your throat gets trapped, and the fully functioning beating heart in your chest feels like it is about to come hurdling out of your body. 

You wish and pray, with everything you have within you that there was something, anything that you could do.  The hopeless feelings are far from tolerable.  If you could just switch places.  If it could be you.  If you could take your fully functioning and healthy body and swap it right out with this form of heart break - maybe, just maybe you would find some comfort.  If it could be you.  If you could just take on the burden and pain and make it your own - maybe the air that is being trapped in the back of your throat would have an easier way out. 

Wht can't it be me?  Why does it have to be her laying there fighting for her life?  I want it to be me.  I want her to wake up and have the health that I have.  I want her to see herself through the eyes of so many.  I want to take each and every issue she's got with herself and her health and make them my own.  I want her to know how much she is loved, and how much she is worth.  I want her to know, without a shadow of a doubt that I love her and that I would switch places with her in an instant.  In a machine-hooked-up-heartbeat - I want to take it from her and make it my own.